New Family Members

In the old days, family members were only added to my mom's side of the family via birth. Most of my aunt's and uncles were married before I could really remember. I am the oldest grandchild with a host of younger ones to follow. Hence, new babies brought new family members. Now that my cousins and I are a bit older...we have begun adding family members through new ways. My cousin Stephanie brought her fiancée Mikel and my cousin Zach brought his girlfriend Carmen to Christmas.(If you want to hear about rhyming first and last names these two individuals bring the potential for it to the table)

I've decided that only those who are officially committed (i.e. engagement or marriage) should be subjected to my family. It is not that my family is mean, cruel, toxic, or even awful to be with. It's just that we are nuts. Our family is very close. We love just being together. We've been self-contained for so long that new people bring a lot of excitement. Also, this self-containment has diminished our capacity to act in socially appropriate ways when together. As individuals we get by (well most of us), but as a group insanity levels grow exponentially. New people who are not officially committed may become frightened and I wouldn't want my family to be the cause of any untimely break-ups.

New people who are brought experience the family as if they are a science project. They are subjected to endless questions and inside family jokes that they don't understand. We do not let them hide in the shadows to allow them time to process the chaos. Instead we make them stand center stage so that all members of the family have an opportunity to examine the new specimen. They have to repeat themselves numerous times because some family members don't hear so well and others just don't listen. Each new person are asked a series of questions that put them between the rock of looking like an idiot and the hard place of insulting the family. Being the kind individuals they are, they tend to bear the brunt of the joke. My family shows love and acceptance by laughing at you. If we have to be gracious and fake, it isn't a good sign.

Christmas has reaffirmed my long-time original plan. Being A.C. increases the probability this plan will work out. It isn't till we have wedding invitations does my fiancee get to meet the family. I might be willing to share him with a few individuals...but no family functions until things are pretty firm. I would wait until after the wedding but I don't want to offend my family. Nor do I want my husband to feel liked I tricked him into anything. I have come to firmly believe you don't marry a person...you marry a family.